alt.books.m-lackey FAQ, Part 1 This is part 1 of the Mercedes Lackey FAQ, covering topics specific to alt.books.m-lackey. Part 2 covers topics specific to Mercedes Lackey. Both are posted monthly to alt.books.m-lackey. Contents of Part 1: 1. Proper Behavior On alt.books.m-lackey (Acceptable Use Policy) a. Spoiler Warnings b. The PG-Rating c. The Mad, Galloping Topic Drift d. Flames e. Cross-Posting f. SPAM g. Trolls 2. Geography a. The Ogre, Elf, Imp and Urchin b. The Forest c. The Library d. The Hall of Memories e. All the rest 3. In Jokes and ABML Cultural Tidbits a. Copper's POINT Game b. The Spelling of Innosent c. The Trial of Fluffy d. Firesong e. Puns f. Personas g. Flying Food h. The Literality Cloud i. Salv9 j. The DSPCABML and the Brute Squad k. The Kinkies l. Pedantry m. Gods and Goddesses n. *Bob* o. The F's p. The ABML Out of Practice Band (ABMLOOPB) q. The ABML No Can Sing Choir (ABMLNCSC) r. Bruce (not that one, the other one) and feeted pajamas s. Storytime t. The Bookwurm and Bookwyrm 4. Anything Else? 1. Proper Behavior On alt.books.m-lackey (Acceptable Use Policy) Welcome! As you may have observed, ABML is a free for all. Everyone is encouraged to participate or lurk, whichever you prefer or have time for. Beware the 4 F's: Fluffy, Firesong, 'Fiend and Flying Food. We begin with the necessary evil, the general rules or traditions on this group (fun stuff is further down): a. Spoiler Warnings, and the appropriate page or two of spoiler space, are strongly encouraged for the first year or two after a particular book is published. There are two reasons why the use of spoiler warnings is encouraged. 1) Because not everyone can afford to buy their books in hardback. 2) Because ML's books are published in the U.S. first, members of ABML who live in other parts of the world do not have easy access to them, and often have to wait a year or more to get them in their own countries. So, in the interests of our many members who do not have easy access to all of Misty's books or can not afford to buy the hardback version, it is group tradition that we insert spoiler warnings and spoiler space when making reference to books still in hardback or less than a year old. b. We try to maintain a PG-Rating on postings to our newsgroup. Usenet is wide open to people of all ages and cultural backgrounds, and we would like as many of those people as possible to feel comfortable and safe in our little corner of the 'Net. (History note: This used to be a G-Rating, but we kept having to lock the poor dear in a padded cell with some Barney videos to calm it down. Eventually, in early spring of 2000, it mutated.) c. Beware Mad Galloping Topic Drift. We try to rename threads as they change topics but it doesn't always work. So remember that the title of a message may not always relate to its content. d. Our newsgroup is proud to say that we have been successful at maintaining a Flame Free zone on Usenet. Disagreement will arise, but as mature people, we prefer to settle our differences intelligently. e. We discourage the use of cross-posting, and will report cross-postings that are not truly relevant to all the newsgroups posted to, or messages that are cross-posted to more than three newsgroups. We regret having to do this, but long experience has shown that most cross-posted messages are SPAM or from trolls. f. SPAM, whether advertisement or hate, is not allowed on alt.books.m-lackey. Anyone spamming alt.books.m-lackey should expect to receive letters of disapproval to their account and a copy of the errant text sent to their system administrator or ISP. A working but not complete definition of SPAM - Any unsolicited advertisement posted to one or more newsgroups without the prior permission of the groups in question. g. Trolls. We explicitly mention trolls because they persist in believing we welcome their attentions. We do not. Generally, troll postings are easily identified by their tone, which is usually either hateful or argumentative, and frequently can be classified as SPAM. As with SPAMmers, we will report trolls to their system administrator or ISP. Other than these, just about anything goes. Please remember, at the other end of any post is a human being. 2. Geography a. The Ogre, Elf, Imp and Urchin Tavern and general hang-out, food fight, meet 'n' greet place located somewhere in ABML. Go <------> thataway and you'll find it. Run by the Ogre (Tristaan) and the Elf (Amethyst). The Imp (Charis) and Urchin (Natalia) are their daughters. They serve authoroholic drinks; the Misty/Pterry mixer is particularly popular. A more complete description is at http://www.cs.csustan.edu/~mthomas/abml/ogreelfbar.txt b. The Forest Forms a large portion of the ABML landscape. The Forest is abode and domain of Lord Gyre, the Forest Lord. c. The Library Contains, of course, all the books ever written. (Whether or not you can locate the book you want is the catch, though the orangutan librarians do _try_ to organize it.) Bookwurm is the Librarian. d. The Hall of Memories A Hall full of rooms, exhibits, etc, to commemorate whatever the members of ABML wished commemorated. e. All the Rest We also have hot tubs (water or hot chocolate, your choice), a non-denominational chapel just off the Ogre, Elf, Imp and Urchin, a meditation garden, a huge number of old party sites... 3. In Jokes and ABML Cultural Tidbits a. Copper's POINT Game From Beldin: "Beldin stands and starts to speak, "Well .... Errr .... That is .... Ummm ... See, it's like this. When someone posts a comment .... no, we'll do this the other way round. When someone reads a comment which they find particularly amusing, ( and normally after the coffee / coke / sprite etc has been cleaned off of the monitor ), they award a POINT !!! to the person who posted the message. Anyone can award a point. Anyone can receive a point < even Trolls and Politicians ;) >. The first person to reach 21 ( why 21? - I don't know! ) is deemed to have won the game. Occasionally the winner of a game will elect to receive negative points in the following game, so that they can't win twice in a row, but still can be rewarded for their comments. There, clear as mud < G >." Vicki adds that 21 is usually the winning number because that was what she used when she ran the first POINT game. Scorekeeper (the job rotates around among ABML members) keeps count of how many POINTs everyone earns. Scorekeeper has jurisdiction over the fine points of the game (which is to say, everything), including when it starts and ends and at what point total, what POINTs are valid, whether duplicate POINTs for the same post all count, etc. Shortly after November 17, 2001, what had been simply The POINT Game was renamed Copper's POINT Game in order to honor Copper Squirrel. Copper Squirrel (Charles Martel) was a steady member of ABML for many years, notorious for posting jokes and puns, as Copper and occasionally as Copper's Evil Twin, Skippy the Brass Squirrel. He thereby won many POINT games. He died on November 17, 2001. Extra-special, extra-good, extra-funny posts can earn a "COPPER"/"COPPER POINT" instead of a regular point. It is, as always, at the Scorekeeper's discretion to determine how, or if, COPPER POINTs count differently from normal POINTs. b. The Spelling of Innosent The word that that means the opposite of guilty is never spelled correctly on ABML. It's just against the rules. (See The Trial of Fluffy for more information.) We aren't innerook, and we don't want to be corrupted by it... Virtually any spelling of that word is acceptable, as long as it is not the original, correct, spelling. Common variations include: innosent, innoskant, innosook, etc etc etc. c. The Trial of Fluffy Sometime in 1997, Captain Silkfur McFluffy was put on trial. It was a famous trial. Simon, who was a member of ABML at the time, said, "The accused, one Captain S. McFluffy, was mainly charged with being a Male Chauvinist Pig, and biting Kyrrha's tail. I don't think we actually ever *held* the trial as such, we just spent a long time preparing for it, and inventing 'creative' punishments. One of the preparations was, of course, selecting a jury. It was established early in the proceedings, and heartily endorsed by the accused, that no person capable of spelling the i-word was eligible for jury duty. The continuing reluctance toward spelling *that* word correctly is presumably explained by people's unwillingness to disqualify themselves should the trial ever resume." d. Firesong It has been reported - by Firesong, quite frequently - that we are all figments of Firesong's imagination. It has also been reported that his voice can melt socks. Test this on yours by going to http://www.firesong.demon.co.uk/ and clicking on "My Diary", then "Message of the Moment". e. Puns We like 'em. We indulge in long threads full of excessively bad ones. Beware. (Or, join in and see if you can do any worse.) f. Personas Misty does not publish as frequently as she used to, and we use various means to pass the time between books, since the regulars have pretty much hashed out their own opinions on all her works. Some of us build personas. Dragons and wizards and ogres and rabbits and... Everything and anything, not necessarily - or even usually - from M. Lackey's books. You are welcome to create one, too. Or not, as you choose. g. Flying Food It doesn't actually fly, you know. It's usually launched. Launch back, if you like. (Or run and hide.) Over the years, a wide variety of exotic weaponry has evolved during food fights; I am not brave enough to attempt to catalogue it all. If someone refers to something that sounds like it might be vaguely useful in a food fight, that's probably where it came from. h. The Literality Cloud Sometime in summer of 1999, it was noted that statements made in the vicinity of Woof, an ABML member, tended to have unintended side effects. There appears to be a magical cloud surrounding her, which interprets any statements made in its vicinity rather literally... beware, beware, lest ye be smacked upside the head by it. Or drowned in drink. Or... i. Salv9 Sometime during the winter of 1999-2000, a character going by a pseudonym easily shortened to Salv9 posted a number of highly anti-Semitic and misinformed essays to many newsgroups, including ABML. A number of our members took pleasure in point by point rebuttals of his essays and his responses to their rebuttals. He is long gone. However, his memory has lingered in the form of various Salv9 toys that get thrown around in food fights and such. They first sprang into existance during his second visit to ABML. Captain Fluffy, like a cat at a mousehole, is still waiting for him to visit again... Saying a particular poster is like Salv9 is a quick way to identify that poster as a troll or spammer of a particularly vicious kind. (If one is looking for a technical rule to use in reporting the troll to an ISP, such people almost universally violate the no-flames ABML rule.) j. The DSPCABML and the Brute Squad. (contributed by Simon) The Divine Society for the Protection and Care of ABML-ers was instituted to assist any ABML-er in the struggle against the dreaded Real Life Monster in cases where the traditional Whacks With A Tightly Rolled Newspaper don't do the trick. Given the abundance of Gods of This, That and the Other in ABML, it was felt that soliciting the patronage of mere royals would be, well, slumming. Founder, chairman and treasurer of the DSPCABML'ers was Simon, whose contribution consisted mainly of some Policy Announcements, long term endurance testing of the Official Office Couch; its enforcement arm is the Community Relations Department, better known as the Brute Squad, headed by Tristaan. k. The Kinkies At some point in the tumultuous history of ABML, the kinkies were born. I believe that chocolate and hot tubs were involved. They are small and fuzzy, very fast, and they are very, very interested in the human activity which we do not talk about too explicitly lest we offend the PG-Rating. They swarm after anyone who so much as hints that they are talking about It. Very curious beings, kinkies are. Unless you speak rashly, and consequently drown in living tide of curious kinkies, they are fairly harmless. Mostly. l. Pedantry From Bookworm, Queen of Pedants: "Pedantry: Any grammar/spelling/etc. corrections are required to be submitted by licens/ced pedants. (There are a few officially *unlicens/ced* pedants, but they are hunted down, unless their unofficial legal counsel submits the appropriate forms.) Pedant licens/ces (of various types) are issued by the Bureau of Pedantry, the operating hours of which are *clearly* posted on the official bulletin board. The Bureau has an official window where forms are provided, reviewed for accuracy and completeness, and validated for periods of time to be determined by the appropriate authorities. (The window can be easily identified by the queue of dusty applicants.) Or not, at the whim of the Queen of Pedants." m. Gods and Goddesses (contributed by Woof) Many members of ABML have adopted titles of "God" or "Goddess" of various functions, including, but not limited to, the various seasons, the Kinkies, Chocococococolate, Libraries, Cheesecake, etc. For a semi-complete list of almost-current titles, see http://www.cs.csustan.edu/~mthomas/abml/godlist.txt n. *Bob* (contributed by *Bob*... with Tristaan acting as medium) *Yeah, can't forget about me. I'm a poltergeist who was originally introduced by Jenwon. I love to tinker with gadgets (especially blenders) and cats make a nice snack... did I say that? Anyways, when Jenwon, due to strong pressures from the RL beastie, had to leave, I found my niche with Tristaan. He's got GREAT gadgets.* (Jenwon's contribution) "Hmmm...*Bob*'s history is rather odd...he actually originated at a radio-controlled car race track where my family used to race every weekend. Everytime something went wrong during a race, I would joke that it was my poltergeist Bob acting up again. It was inevitable that *Bob* would come to ABML with me, especially since I always needed help with my teenage escapades in ABML. I also needed someone to help get around Mummy Az's restrictions on sharp objects." o. The F's The number of F's one needs to beware has varied. Flying Food remains fairly constant, but others come and go. At various times, newcomers have been warned about FiX, Fluffster, Firesong, 'Fiend... p. The ABML Out of Practice Band (ABMLOOPB) Some members of ABML are remarkably talented in musical matters, and our patroness is a noted lyricist in filk circles. For the rest of us, there is the ABMLOOPB. If, once upon a time, you knew how to play, yet now you only make instruments weep, ABMLOOPB is for you. (Not weep in a good way. Weep in despair, weep in dismay, weep in horror.) If your eyes light up at the sight of the instrument you once learned, yet your friends unaccountably conspire to keep you (far, far, FAR) away from it, ABMLOOPB is for you. If, when you haul your old instrument out for a reunion, the local cats caterwaul and the dogs dive under the bed, ABMLOOPB is for you! Some of ABML's musicians, delighted to join a band, any band, and neglecting to read the fine print for ABMLOOPB, joined the ABMLOOPB before realizing they were not qualified because they can actually play their instruments. Not a problem! Musicians need simply pick an instrument they always meant to learn. For those with true musical talent, we recommend something with lots of strings or holes, found only in remote corners of far-off lands. Or giving the instrument to the local nursery school for "tuning" before ABMLOOPB practice. q. The ABML No Can Sing Choir (ABMLNCSC) The loyal accompaniment to the ABMLOOPB is the ABMLNCSC, a choir for those who always wanted to join a choir, but whose choirmasters inexplicably contracted the flu before each audition. If, when you begin to sing, your family gives you money to stop, your friends pass you strong drinks and your children beg your spouse to to gag you, ABMLNCSC may be for you. If people threaten to cancel birthday parties unless you promise not to join in the pre-cake song, and radio volume knobs swoop clockwise when you open your mouth, ABMLNCSC may be for you. If you frequently hear the old line, "sing solo, sing so low we can't hear you", ABMLNCSC may be for you. If dogs howl and neighborhood cats prowl amorously by when you sing, ABMLNCSC may be for you. (The FAQ Keeper thanks those members of the ABMLNCSC who contributed personal anecdotes to put in this description. Names have been removed to protect the guilty.) r. Bruce (not that one, the other one) and feeted pajamas: ABML Welcome messages frequently mention Bruce (not that one, the other one), who will generously collect whatever shreds of sanity the newcomer may still have (however small!) and knit a nice set of feeted pajamas out of them. Bruce frequently styles himself an oldster in the corner, gathering dust. He comes and goes from ABML, but his knitted pajamas are here to stay. Feeted pajamas are worn for Storytimes. The "that one" in parantheses is Bruce the snowcat. An entirely different Bruce. When here, he's more visible since he's large, and a snowcat. Smart beings never fail to note the presence of anything with many claws and teeth. Bruce the snowcat is not to be confused with Bruce the kind knitter of feeted pajamas. s. Storytime On happy and fortunate occasions for ABML assembled, someone holds a Storytime. ABMLers gather around, wearing their feeted pajamas (see "Bruce and feeted pajamas"), and clutching whatever items of cozy comfort they prefer. (Popcorn, cocoa and stuffed animals frequently appear.) There is a special area in the OEI&U dedicated to Storytimes, equipped with seating for the wide variety of ABML denizens. Storytime posts tend to be longer than usual, and contain the tale of... something. A vacation, a bit of fiction, an interesting incident that happened occurred on the way to school today, the tale of the time great-uncle Mort met a muskrat in a mud puddle... a story. t. Bookwyrm and The Bookwurm In case you're wondering, yes, they are two separate women. Not to be confused with each other, or referred to by the other one's name. As The Bookwurm says: "She's she and I'm me and that's pretty much it." But Bookwyrm expands with: "Well..... Bookwyrm lives in Minnesota, is the senior 'wyrm and does *not* spell her name with The. The Bookwurm lives in Washington state, is the junior 'wurm and *does* spell her name with The. That just about covers it. They have absolutely *no* problem telling each other apart!" 4. Anything Else That You Can Think Of? Think something else should be here? Let me know.